


Hitmen, Ice Men and A Bad Wolfie

by dsa_archivist



Category: due South
Genre: Fix-It, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-04-22
Updated: 1999-04-22
Packaged: 2018-11-11 02:38:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11139489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dsa_archivist/pseuds/dsa_archivist
Summary: Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived atDue South Archive. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address onDue South Archive collection profile.





	Hitmen, Ice Men and A Bad Wolfie

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

"Hit Men, Ice Men and a Bad Wolfie"

     A "CTOW Fixit Story"  
     by Red Skye.  


*==)oOo(==*-*==)oOo(==*-*==)oOo(==*

     Bowling pins were wonderful things Ray thought as he let his hand curl around one. He lifted it by the neck and raised it, creeping through the dark alley. They were perfectly shaped to use like a club.  
     With an accuracy that would have done Fraser proud, Ray hurled it. It connected with the head of the hit man sent by the Iguana family with a satisfying thunk. A clatter of a weapon hitting the floor was followed by an equally satisfying thump.  
     The hit man's partner swung and Ray hit the deck as the gun flashed. He almost grinned as he heard the ball rolling over the polished balls, and another and another and another. The man went down and Ray rose up, his own gun coming out. Before the hit man could recover his weapon, Ray was there kicking it away, and aiming his gun at the hit man.  
     "You have the right to remain silent, but I'd prefer it if you weren't. You have the right to an attorney."  
     Stella stepped up, a gun of her own in her hand.  
     "Meet mine," Ray purred.  
     The thug gulped when he saw where Stella was aiming her gun.  
     "Keep going, ILG."  
     Ray continued reading the thug his rights till he was done, and she nodded.  
     "Don't I have rights too, Cara Mia?" Ray concluced.  
     "What a good point, he is committing a break and enter, on private property and since we live above the alley, this could be considered our place of residence. You're quite within your rights to **defend** your home, Didums."  
     Ray smiled.  
     "And to think I used to hate lawyers," he said, preparing to fire.  
     "Wait!"  
     "Why should I - You came here to kill me."  
     "Self Defence, definately, he fired first, you were firing back to defend yourself," Stella said supplying him with a defence. "He's even got blow back on his coat, hands and sleeves to prove it, Teddy bear."  
     "Good point, Pussy cat."  
     The hit man started babbling.  


*==)oOo(==*-*==)oOo(==*-*==)oOo(==*

     Ray sat back in his creaking chair enjoying the sounds of the hustle and bustle of the squad room. His feet went up on his desk and he flipped his paper open. His first back on duty and he'd yet to be assigned a case. He almost groaned when he heard Huey and Dewey exchanging bad one liners as they moved through the room.  
     He didn't even jump when someone kicked the desk.  
     "That desk's reserved," he heard Huey say.  
     "And the man it's reserved for gets grumpy with people who steal his desk."  
     Ray's paper half folded and Huey grinned at him.  
     "Nice tan. Florida must have agreed with you."  
      "I don't cough so much no more."  
     Huey pointed to the paper.  
     "Hey, look, Fraser's on the front page."  
     Ray gave the paper a snap and closed it, spreading it out on the desk looking at the front page for the first time. Huey was right, Fraser was on the front page, with Kowalski, and between them was a big block of ice with chains around it, and a shadowy vaugely man shaped something was inside the block - poking out of it was a hand streching up. Huey and Dewey leaned over the desk.  
     "What do you know.. They did it."  
     "Would you just look at Fraser, he looks like he just stepped out of the house ready for a brand new day, and Kowalski looks like he got hit by tornado."  
     "So what's new? Fraser always looks like he was dipped in Scotchgaurd," Ray said.  
     Huey almost snickered.  
     "I wonder what they'll get up to next."  
     "If it was me, the next thing I'd do is go soak in a nice hot spa for a few days, till I thawed out, that's what I'd do," Ray said, "Benni'd probably go looking for a sweat lodge to do it."  
     "Or head for a warmer climate," another voice added.  
     "Nah," Ray, Huey and Dewey all choroused.  
     Then they all realised who's voice that was as a very shaggy Dief rose up, forepaws resting on the desk, to snitch Ray's jelly doughnut.  
     "Benni!"  
     Fraser smiled at him, as Ray jumped up.  
     "It's good to see you too, Ray. I didn't expect that. The last I heard you were heading for Florida."  
     "So did the Iguana Family. Who are now behind bars, or at least the South West branch is."  
     "So you were able to complete your mission to take them down."  
     "Some of your luck musta rubbed off on me, their hit men had such bad luck. And after they decided to a little break, enter and kill, I sicked my attorney on them. And let her bowl them over, before I pinned em down for a little cross examination."  
     The trio laughed.  
     "And now they're all behind bars, I'm back, what about you Benni, now you've had you're little adventure what are your plans?"  
     "Well, there I was being congratulated on my acheivement by a *very* high ranking member of the RCMP when Dief sniffed his trousers and decided to pee on his leg. For that I've been banished, back to Chicago."  
     "Bad Wolfie," Ray said, while passing Dief his last jelly doughnut and patting his head.  
     Deif chomped down on the doughnut and there was a spurt of red jelly that struck Ray's sleeve, and Ray laughed as he pulled out his handkerchief.  
     "Another Armani suit wrecked. Now I really feel like I'm home."  


     The end...  
     Or is it...  
     Copyright, June 4th, 1998 Red Skye  
     Allience owns the charecters even if they don't know what to do with them, we do, right people..  
     Oh, almost forgot ILG=Italian Love God.  



End file.
